Which is the Lesser Evil?

Sleep is a problem in this house. It's always been a very tricky to get everyone sleeping enough so that they're not crabby but not too much so that they'll fall asleep at night.

Hannah is great at laying down in her bed. Most of the time she doesn't fall asleep unless she's laying down for more than two hours. When she falls asleep she, it's hard to wake her. She wakes up crabby and then she doesn't fall asleep at night for however long as she napped in the afternoon. So it's really not a winning situation.

Noah has been sleeping on me because he really needs to nap more. The better his naps are the better he sleeps at night. Now this is where the problem is. If he's napping on me then it's hard to get Hannah up from her bed without waking Noah. So I have to decide who will be less crabby if I wake them up.

Do I wish Noah would sleep in his crib. Yes! But we're taking it one step at a time. We need Noah to sleep consistently and well at night before I'm willing to tackle the day time sleep problem. Right now we're patting Noah every 15 minutes at night until he falls asleep. It's worked out alright the past two nights. I was even able to get him back to sleep at 2:30 without picking him up because he had just nursed at midnight. I knew that he wasn't hungry. He's just used to waking up about that time every night. He ended up sleeping until 4 a.m. Yipee! Not that I slept well. But I'm happy to see some change.

4.25.09 Parenting

My friend Renee came up with her own Things about Parenting. I think we'll make this a running list.
1. There's nothing like a second child to make you furious with your first.
2. If you have a baby that doesn't sleep well, hang on till he or she
is a toddler. Toddler sleep is different.
3. What worked today, probably won't work tomorrow.
4. Whatever your baby is doing, good or bad, it probably has nothing
to do with what you are doing. They would be doing that anyway.

Robert added this one:
5. You'll often be ready to eat two hours before food actually touches your lips.

Here's a great comparison of Hannah and Noah at just about the same age.

4.25.09 Teething, Sleeping & Eating

Where to go from here? It's not as if I know exactly what I am doing as a parent. Sometimes I think I've got it down but most of the time I'm not so sure. I mostly try to gauge every situation when I come to it. I try to be fair and consistent. It works a lot of the time but lately I feel like I'm just flailing my arms around in circle but not getting anywhere. You'd call that 'almost drowning' if you were in the water. Good thing I'm not.

Right now the issues are teething and sleep for Noah and eating and obeying for Hannah. Yeah I know that I wrote just a few posts ago how Hannah is doing well eating. Apparently I wrote that too soon. Lately she's been holding out for junky or low to no calorie, zero nutrition food. Like, lettuce, Cliff bar kid's bars, maraschino cherries and apple sauce. We don't force her to eat with us on our schedule because that would truly be torture to eat with her complaining or crying the whole time. It's really nice to eat a meal and be able to digest it as it's going down the pie hole. However we'd like her to eat what we are eating and so far we can barely get her to taste what we are eating and it's fairly kid friendly food. She almost refuses to eat it. I'd like to give a little genetic hisitory here and say that as a child I was a good eater. It was Robert who was picky. Today Robert will eat anything as long it's not meat and doesn't smell like barf (parmesean cheese). While I would just like to eat popcorn and chips if I could get away with it.

As for Noah, our baby Noah. He's almost six months old and sleeping like an infant again. He's getting his upper front teeth. It's not been easy on him or I. He's fussy, biting everything. He often grabs me by my hair and tries to shove my chin in his mouth so he can chew on it. Ouch! This also means he's not sleeping well at all and neither am I as a result of his night wakings. Last night I felt like he was just not doing well in all that pain and I tried and tried again to get him to sleep. He did sleep for boughts of 40 minutes. It was really ugly. I slept in our bed downstairs with him while Robert slept upstairs in the office/guest room. He woke up every two hours and then around 3 a.m. he woke up for an hour. I changed his diaper, tried patting him and eventually nursed him and patted him some more with my body wrapped around his. He still woke up and stirred every twenty minutes or so until 7 a.m. Suprisingly I felt pretty normal the rest of the day. I think because I don't get a lot of hours of sleep in a row normally.

I remember this behavior from Hannah and had to look in her baby book to be sure. Lo and behold I was right. Hannah slept just like this when she was teething her upper front teeth too. But she was nine months old. He's just about six month old. With Hannah I endured it through her first upper front tooth but with the second I was just beside myself with exhaustion that we ended up letting her cry to sleep in her crib. It was terrible and tourturous but the worst of it only lasted about ten days. After that she cried when she went to sleep but only for a minute or two.

Our problem with Noah is that he can turn over from front to back but can't get back to front. He takes a pacifier but when it falls from his mouth he can't find it and put it back in yet. So after much thought I decided that we should let Noah cry, but do a modified Ferber method. We go in after an alotted time (15 minutes in our case) and pat and give back the pacifier for two minutes and let him cry again. That way we give him time to fall asleep on his own, but we're also checking on him to make sure that he's okay. We're also going to start by doing his bedtime routine down stairs and switching off Robert and I putting him to bed awake. I'd been taking the easy way out and nursing and bouncing him to sleep but that worked for only 3 weeks until he decided he'd rather look around the room then relax and sleep. This way when we put him down to sleep he does the bulk of the crying right away instead of a sleep cycle or two later (sleep cycles are about 40 minutes). Now we just have to stick to this and hope and pray that he'll get the hang of this sleep thing.

4.22.09 Ten things about parenting

1. It's a good day when I go to bed and the house isn't messier than when I woke up.
2. An often thwarted child will retaliate.
3. Cleaning, cooking, organizing, talking on the phone, have no relevance in a child's mind. They just don't understand why you won't play with them.
4. A baby who eats everything can become a picky three year old eater.
5. I cannot begin pretend to do everything with out help. A willing, helping partner is the best blessing one could have. No matter what the circumstances you know that you're not alone and therefore can do anything.
6. Watching your children enjoy each other is the best compliment a parent could ever receive.
7. Just because you've already raised one baby doesn't mean that you know what you are doing with the second one.
8. Having an infant and toddler is very taxing (really having children in general is taxing) but when you look back at the photos it all looks so easy.
9. Poor me syndrome is easy to get when you are always giving.
10. It's hard to see the growth in your children when you're with them from day to day.

The Great Day That Wasn't

It should have been a great day. I got a lot of sleep. I felt like I could do anything, but Hannah had other ideas. She woke up today and seemed to have decided that she'd like to eat only enough to satisfy her hunger for ten minutes. I tried my best to encourage her to eat with no avail. Because of this she stuck to my side like glue! Like glue. Normally it wouldn't have been a big deal but today is the day that I was going to try to get everything prepared for my dad and step-mom's visit. Everything pretty much went out the window. If it could be spilled it was. If there could be whining there was. If there could be a skipped nap. It happened. I realize that I can't blame it all on my little three year old. I may have been too ambitious.

4. 15.09 It's My Birthday and I'll Sleep If I Want Too

Miracle of all miracles the baby slept. He cried ten minutes at bedtime and then woke around nine and cried ten minute and then slept until 1:30pm!!! That is seven, yes SEVEN hours in a row with out nursing. I then nursed him and we woke up at a quarter to five. You can't beat that!! Now I just need to sleep. I need to go to bed early so that I can get a good four hour stretch. It's been soooo long since I've slept four whole hours in a row.

It's also my 35th birthday today. Robert took the day off. It was so nice to laze around the house go out to good Lebanese food and just be with my family. I received all the calls from family and a few dear friends and tons of great birthday messages from friends on Face Book.

I wasn't looking forward to turning 35. Here I am with my frumpy post pregnancy body, not getting enough sleep and feeling like I don't have a good routine down with both kids, but because Noah is sleeping better these past couple of days I feel hopeful and it reminds me that things will become more routine with time.

4.14.74 Sleep and More Sleep

We let Noah Cry last night. He didn't really cry much. He had woken for the fifth time last night and I had had it. I felt terrible but I let him scream. I sat in my bed beating myself up for letting my precious boy scream. Robert was suggesting that I pump milk and let him take a night shift in order that we both get some sleep but I really couldn't stand for that. All we are doing is avoiding the inevitable- Noah has to learn to sleep by himself. It worked when he was four months- he still cried but he slept much better all night long. Now he's almost six months old. So Noah then woke again at 2:30 am. So I fed him. When he woke at 5:40. I fed him and he was up for the day. However I still am all guilty feeling that I can't do more the help him sleep because my sleep is more important. I also don't want to loose sleep more than I have to. Because I am a better parent when I get sleep. For example, last night I had two blocks of three hours of uninterrupted sleep. I feel so much better than I normally do. In my prebaby life I felt less than okay with six hours. Now it's like I'm a new woman and it wasn't even six full hours in a row!

Sleep Again

Oh to write about sleep or to not. I think I will. My life is consumed with thoughts of sleep. And to think some people have children who sleep from the time they are born and it's never an issue. I'm envious of them but not as jealous as I used to be. I keep thinking that maybe since my children don't sleep so well that they'll have some other area that they'll be super at. Potty training? Eating? Spelling? Really. You have to think that there is going to be a consolation prize for all the time you spending soothing your babies to sleep. Maybe that is the consolation prize-- more time with your baby. But when the baby is crabbing all over you because he didn't get enough sleep it feels more like a booby prize for being the only idiot parent who can't seem to get their child into a crib and on to a sleep schedule.

Noah is teething again. I think his upper front teeth are coming in. Of course last time I was sure he couldn't be teething because he was too young. He was. And now he's teething again. After this pair only 16 more teeth to go!

Although some sleep books claim that teething really doesn't affect sleep. They are all wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. Even the on-call nurse at Noah's pediatrician's office read to me from her cue card that "teething hurts the mother more than it hurts the baby". That's a sack of horse manure. Noah is in pain. He can't relax and instead of taking a minute to work up to screaming, he does it now in seconds. That means ahhh ahhh turns into AHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH! Poor little fella.

Noah continues to sleep like and infant. He wakes up every two hours and then somewhere around two are three in the morning he starts waking up every hour until he wakes up fully at 5 or 6 am. It's just killing me. I need more uninterrupted sleep. I think he does too. He sleeps in only 40 minute increments during the day and now needs to nap every 1 1/2 or 2 hours a day. By the end of the day he is very very crabby. We tried to let him cry to sleep. He cried every night for 40 minutes. And it wasn't just a little whimpering but all out 'save me I'm going to die' crying that lasted over a month. So now we're doing the gentler way. I nurse and bounce and then pat him to sleep. We go in every time he wakes up and pat him to sleep until he's it's been a couple of hours and then I nurse him.

I am comforted only by the fact that I know this won't last forever. Eventually he'll learn to put himself back to sleep and then we'll all be getting more sleep around here. He is a much better sleeper than Hannah ever was. I have to remember that she now sleeps very well and putting her to bed is a joy. Once she is asleep she sleeps all night.

Cutting Corners

Since I've become a mom there have been some corners. It all started with the need to sleep more hours-- even just a few more minutes. Both of my babies have needed to sleep with me when they were young. Like I said I'll do anything to catch a few more minutes of sleep even if it seems short sighted, in the middle of the night that is all you want. SLEEP! This means that when I go to bed at night I wear my day clothes, my all day clothes, some of them used to be pregnancy clothes. My uniform consists of: a night nursing bra, a long tank top with a shirt over the top and yoga pants. I wear them when I wake up and then all day too! It's both good and bad. It's good to save time. It's bad because it's hard to tell when you're loosing or gaining weight. Those yoga pants just stretch with you. I also take showers at night. Change my underwear at night. I try to clean the house at night and prepare for the next day so that I don't have stress out about having a messy house when I wake up. In fact going off on a tangent...my house is cleaner now than it ever was pre-children. I know it's because I just need to have more order here. I live here.

Luxuries

I find that as a parent to small children things that were everyday 'normal' have now become a luxury:
-eating slowly
-finishing a conversation
-watching T.V
-spontaneous intimacy with Robert
-going to the bathroom alone
-sleep! Right now more than 2 hours in a row
-grocery shopping without rushing
-grooming
-watching movies in a movie theater

The truth is that everything on this list is possible but everything must be well planned- except sleep. I don't sleep a whole lot of hours in a row now. Even though we tried to let Noah figure out how to fall asleep on his own. He didn't figure it out so even the amount he sleeps must be well planned for.

Eating and Sleeping

I think I feel the best when I can meet my children's needs. There are so many things I have to do in a day and the most important one is that I care for and love my children. It doesn't always mean that I'll be able to please them but I do my best to help them be the best person they can be. From the time Hannah was born I always thought about eating and sleeping because Hannah wasn't the best sleeper but she loved to exist on the breast which caused me great pain the entire time she breastfed. Once Hannah was sleep trained, it still took time to get her where she is today. Today sleep is really not an issue Hannah now looks forward to going to sleep and will often ask to go to sleep when she needs time by herself or when she is sleepy. However eating can and is still and issue. Hannah doesn't do well when she is hungry. But in the last month we've really not had too many problems. She has wanted to eat and hasn't gotten to the I'm too hungry to eat stage much at all. Since I weaned her from breastfeeding I always had to be prepared with adequate snacks because the milk was all gone. In the beginning she would eat anything. And she still does a good job at trying everything but as she got closer to three years old she stopped loving all food and started only liking kid food. It's been tough to get a vegetable into her. I try not to worry too much about how she eats and just encourage her to try everything. I guess feel encouraged about Hannah regulating her own needs better. It has been a long long road for us.

How to get your three year old to blow her nose

Hannah is sick again with a cold again. This one is much more mild than the last. However her nose is very runny again. Her cheek is getting red from rubbing 'blowing' her own nose. I was trying to get her to actually blow her nose. But once it feels even slightly plugged she refuses to blow and gets so stuffed and she has me wipe her nose upwards of 10 times an hour.

We went over Renee's house today. Hannah cried over three different times and each time her nose ran and ran. All the snot came running out! I'm glad. I hate for her to get a sinus infection because she let all the snot pool in her sinuses.

Going to Renee's house

I'm getting ready to go to my friend Renee's house tomorrow. It's like seeing a long lost boyfriend. I'm so excited to go and see her. We've all been sick. First it was us and then we had runny noses and now it's them and they are just about over their runny noses. Yipee! I hope I'm not jumping the gun and getting all of us sick over here from by going over there to get what they've got because that just means that I have to deal with sick children and more crying.

It's crazy what it means to leave our house for more than one hour. I have to pack lunches (Grapes, carrot sticks, burritos, yogurt covered raisins, chips and cheddar bunnies). We might be there for five hours so I have to have at least three diapers for Noah and a change of clothing (I have 6 diapers in my purse). I have to make sure that there are enough wipes in case Noah has a blowout poopy diaper. I must not forget to bring the Ergo baby carrier so that I can strap Noah to me for his naps. Pacifiers (at least two so that if I miss place one I can give him another one). A blanket or two. They are very multipurpose. I can change him on it. Wipe Hannah's nose with it. Use it to sheild his eyes while he naps. Wipe his drool off his face with it or cover him up with a blanket in the car. Then I have to remember to bring socks or slippers because Renee's floors are really cold and you can't wear shoes in their house. I also have to bring Hannah's boots if she wants to splash in the mud and maybe a change of clothing incase she gets wet. Just so much to do!

Numbers and Verses

Hannah has a new favorite number. I'm sure if I asked her she would say that three is her favorite number, since she is three years old, but that's not the number that she's always talking about. Today she's taking about five. Saying things like "Mommy I'll be there in five minutes." Or "There are only five cars left." And "Can I have five of them mommy?" It really is so cute.

She's obsessed with having me sound out words for her in books and pretending that she is sounding them out too. I'm amazed at how smart she is. She really is like a sponge in many ways. Robert and have been saying her memory verse with her from Sabbath school but after just a couple of times she has it memorized. We realize that now is the time to help her memorize Bible scripture since it's almost effortless and after some discussion we decided that the Lord's Prayer would be where we would start. So every time we put her to bed she says her memory verse and we say the Lord's prayer to her as she climbs in. Just the other day I noticed that she was saying the words along with me. So I started to pause and let her finished some of the verses. She did almost perfectly. It's really quite remarkable.