What makes me happy!

Today I really had one of the best days I've had for a long time. Sadly, it has nothing to do with the children. They were their normal selves today. It all has to do with Robert, Evan and my friends. Last night Robert and I were trying to spend some time together. When Noah wakes up out of the middle of nowhere. He hasn't woken up for weeks and last night he woke up. It took me a while to get him to sleep, but I gave him some ibuprofen and he slept long enough for Robert and I to really some great time alone. Thank God for this! Because of a great night I woke up in the morning with a smile and a great out look on the day.

I've been checking my email a bit more than I normally do. You see last week I sent out an email asking a very dear 20 something some very personal questions about his sexuality. I know it's really none of my business why Evan is gay. But because I lived with him and his family for four years and took care of him and his brother as their nanny, I really felt the need to know. Not that he needed to answer me, but I thought I'd ask. It's not even like I've seen Evan and David a lot these past years. They are grown now and in college. They are not the little boys I once took care of. There is a place in my heart for them that is hard to describe in words but when I think of them, yes they are grouped together, I think think of their trusting, tender little brown haired boys that used to run like monkeys and had the intelligence of children many years older than they were. I was checking my email to see if Evan would write me back. Like a little girl waiting for her crush to send back the note she wrote to him with the boxes "yes" and "no" written above them with the question "Do you like me enough to tell me about your sexuality" then mark yes. As you can probably guess. He wrote me back. Evan still likes me!!

Today I also talked with a new person in church Jenn and for whatever reason I get a really good feeling about her. She's newly divorced and has moved back here to start her life over again with a two year old and a newborn. She and I found out that we have something in common. Our friend Dusty. It makes me so happy to have that happen! It feels like I know her that much better now that I know she was Dusty's friend too! I love Dusty.

I got to talk to Renee today. She's been feeling very overwhelmed by her three small children and has been having a hard time with her husband because he's not feel very sympathetic towards her. Plus his dad just died and he hates his job so things aren't really going his way. But I got to talk to her anyhow!

I can see from looking at what I've just written that I really miss connecting with people. Hannah and Noah have been sick for the last two weeks so we haven't been able to have anyone over here for a while so my batteries have been running pretty low.

Seven Years? Already?

Today Robert and I have been married seven years. SEVEN YEARS! Where has all the time gone? Both Robert and I tried to remember it was our anniversary at 4:20ish today (the time that we said 'I take you Sarah..."). He at work and I at home with the kids. But neither of us remembered. He was working on a 'wisdom' (his project) issue. I was in the car with the kids driving the babysitter home. It doesn't get more romantic than that now does it? Now if you told me seven years exactly from the time I got married I'd be where I was. I don't think I would believe that I'd have this life. The life that I always dreamed of but that seemed some how so far in the future. But here I am now. A wife to my bestfriend with two adorable children. I am truly blessed.

Vacation

I remember going to California with my family when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I don't remember any of the preparation. I remember how hot it was in the car, drinking country time lemonade the my mom mixed in the trunk of our Chevy, getting stung by a bee. I don't remember all the preparation. I'm sure I just got out of bed, ate breakfast and got into the car. Let's go!

Here I am twenty-eight years later getting everything ready for our whole family to go to Spokane. Seven hours away. I'm running on very little sleep since baby Noah woke up four times last night with the last wake up happening at 5:45. I am not a morning person. I'm a little stressed but so happy that I'll be with my family tomorrow all day. I still can't believe that we have a family of four.

Change

The past months have been filled with family visits. Cousin Elijah came to stay with us for 2 months. He comes from his home in New York City and spends six weeks at summer camp during the day and all his off time with us at our house. His mom, my sister, Bekah comes the last two weeks and they hang out here and in Spokane where Missa our other sister lives. It's pretty busy the whole time he's here and I find it hard to even have a moment to myself. But it's well worth the time that we have with him. He's a really nice boy. Of course it wasn't easy because Noah was still taking upwards of three naps a day. Hannah had been laying down for a nap but not falling asleep. So I had a mere hour to myself if all the timing worked out right.

We went to Sacramento to visit Robert's mom. It was one of the worst trips. But not because of any fricition between any of us. Hannah stopped sleeping. It all started with me convincing Hannah tha she didn't want to go out to dinner with me and my good friend Bethanee Hunnicutt. She screamed the whole time we were gone and then refused to stay in her bed and sleep. She often woke up at night and just screamed and screamed. We tried to lay down with her but it didn't work she just figeted the whole time. This lasted about a month after we got home. What ended up helping Hannah was that we stopped trying to nap her during the day. We started a new routine and got a great little clock that shines different lights when it's time to wake up (yellow) and when it's time to be in bed (blue). She started to stay in be until the light shone yellow. I did offer he lots and lots of rewards. Cupcakes, educational video games, toys. What ever it took to get her to stay in bed. So rewards in combination with a new clock and we had a new routine.

During this time of no sleep I really had a hard time seeing myself staying at home with her to home school her. I started looking into schooling options. I needed to think that there was a way out of the craziness that I called a life. Robert and I talked about sending Hannah to the new public school right out side our door, the Adventist school less than two miles away, or the local waldorf school. We decided that we liked the Waldorf school. Hannah needs more specialized attention. She'll get eaten up in a public school or large classroom setting. We also don't want her to become a lazy Christian by going to our denominational schools. But the reality is that things have gotten better. Hannah hit this new stride where she is funny, silly and so sweet. Lately I've been feeling like I can totally homeschool this child. Plus if you ask her where she wants to go to school she always says "I'm going to stay home with mommy". Isn't that sweet!

7.26.09 Cain and Able?

Today was the first day that Noah crawled. Well sort of crawled. I didn't see it. Robert was up stairs with the kids while I cleaned the kitchen and he witnessed Noah moved three feet to reach Hannah's play kitchen in her room. He moved both arms together and then both legs together (hiss belly was off the ground) in an inch worm fashion. Robert was so happy to have seen it that I could hear him saying "Good job Noey!". Then he brought both children down and cleared the floor so that we could all watch Noah together. Noah then just scooted around in circles going from a sitting position to a half leaned over grabbing position as we all watched ready to cheer.

Meanwhile Hannah sat on my lap all groggy from having actually taken a nap (she's normally doesn't sleep). I asked if she wanted to eat a nectarine or a foot-arine, or a leg-arine and she just hauled off and slapped me. I sat stunned while Robert sternly said "You do NOT hit mommy!". I then sat her on the time-out stair and had to correct her a couple of times for sliding off onto the floor. Just after her time-out I sat with her on my lap and fed her a peach and a nectarine. When she wanted another one I asked Robert to take over so I could spend a little time with Noah. So then about an hour goes by Hannah is happily playing on the ground Noah is scooting around. Robert, I and Eli are all sitting on the floor next to the children when suddenly Hannah takes a car she is playing with and throws it at Noah at a point blank range. I didn't believe what I had seen and sat stunned again as both Robert and Eli tell me that Hannah hit Noah with the car in his face. I suddenly started to see red and very angerily said to Hannah "go straight to the time-out stair now or I will spank you! We do not throw cars!" Of course she wouldn't move. So I spanked her and put her on time-out. It was such a horrific scene that I had just witnessed that I immediately got a stomach ache. I just couldn't believe that my precious daughter had just hurt a little baby, our little baby boy. I have the feeling that she did this out of jealously. Robert thinks that it was just because she can do it that she did do it. She's not a great thrower any how. I'm not so sure about that. But then again I was the little sister. I never had anyone to be mean to. It was only my sisters who were mean to me, while Robert remembers doing things like that just to see what would happen... I hope it doesn't happen again, but I know it has to. I also couldn't help thinking " is this how it started with Cain and Able?".

7.22.09 Where am I?

Eli, my nephew arrived about a month ago. Since then my life has been very full. Full of children all day long. It's really nice to have Eli. It means less time to do things without children in my hair, but it's worth it.

We've had some really good days and some not so fun days. The good days are days where there isn't too much crying. Everyone's needs get met pretty well. Bad days are days when Eli doesn't eat enough, Hannah throws tantrums and Noah doesn't sleep well at night. On the third of July it was a very difficult day for me since Noah woke up over and over again. I woke up for the day needing more time to sleep. I was a wreck. We almost didn't get fireworks for the 4th because I accidentally fed Eli some bread with sesame seeds, to which he is allergic. Poor boy! He has to throw up before he feels better.

Eli goes to a day camp most days. Today he stayed home because they were going to an amusement park and he is really scared of roller coasters but he also hates to go against what others are doing. So I let him stay home. He was so happy to have the choice to stay home that he almost cried. He also found out that staying home is pretty uneventful and is happy to go to camp again tomorrow.

6.24.09 Throw out the clowns

Today we went to the library for a special program. A one woman clown act. We got there and the clown-woman was doing her clown act while we were in line. I noticed at my side that Hannah immediately tensed up. She seemed to suddenly be afraid. I can only guess that she was thinking: Why was this person talking so loud? Why was she dressed up all crazy? I hope she doesn't talk to me! We sat down in the large room with all the other children and mommies. Hannah immediately broke down and cried loudly "I want to go home!". Right then our friend Renee with he children Mason, Jake and Paige came in. I hoped they would deter her. At this point Hannah continued crying with her eyes shut and fingers in a squished up "o" sign trying to block out the clown woman who was now in the audience doing her act. Once in the hall she decided we should get some books and go home. I some how persuaded her to go into the teen room and rock on their rockers. I tried talking to her about how she felt without putting words into her mouth. It was just like when I ask her how she feels. I realized after always getting the answer "good", or the blank stare or the total ignoring of my question being asked in the first place that I needed to go about it a different way by asking "what hurts?". So I asked her how she felt. I got a blanks stare. I asked her if she didn't like the clown. Another blank stare. She really seemed to be rattled by the whole clown idea. Someone dresses up in a crazy outfit and breaks all social rules. How can that be okay? While we were in there talking a very nice red headed librarian came in and asked us what happened. I said that Hannah didn't like the clown. The librarian smiled and sweetly said "I didn't like clowns either when I was your age". Hannah seemed to perk up after that. When we got home I told Robert Hannah didn't like the clown. Hannah said "The librarian said she didn't like it either when she was my age". Hannah seemed to feel uncomfortable about my telling her clown dislike story. I asked her if she wanted me to stop telling it. She said she would like that. I said "Can I just tell Aunt Missa?" She said "no".