6.24.09 Throw out the clowns

Today we went to the library for a special program. A one woman clown act. We got there and the clown-woman was doing her clown act while we were in line. I noticed at my side that Hannah immediately tensed up. She seemed to suddenly be afraid. I can only guess that she was thinking: Why was this person talking so loud? Why was she dressed up all crazy? I hope she doesn't talk to me! We sat down in the large room with all the other children and mommies. Hannah immediately broke down and cried loudly "I want to go home!". Right then our friend Renee with he children Mason, Jake and Paige came in. I hoped they would deter her. At this point Hannah continued crying with her eyes shut and fingers in a squished up "o" sign trying to block out the clown woman who was now in the audience doing her act. Once in the hall she decided we should get some books and go home. I some how persuaded her to go into the teen room and rock on their rockers. I tried talking to her about how she felt without putting words into her mouth. It was just like when I ask her how she feels. I realized after always getting the answer "good", or the blank stare or the total ignoring of my question being asked in the first place that I needed to go about it a different way by asking "what hurts?". So I asked her how she felt. I got a blanks stare. I asked her if she didn't like the clown. Another blank stare. She really seemed to be rattled by the whole clown idea. Someone dresses up in a crazy outfit and breaks all social rules. How can that be okay? While we were in there talking a very nice red headed librarian came in and asked us what happened. I said that Hannah didn't like the clown. The librarian smiled and sweetly said "I didn't like clowns either when I was your age". Hannah seemed to perk up after that. When we got home I told Robert Hannah didn't like the clown. Hannah said "The librarian said she didn't like it either when she was my age". Hannah seemed to feel uncomfortable about my telling her clown dislike story. I asked her if she wanted me to stop telling it. She said she would like that. I said "Can I just tell Aunt Missa?" She said "no".