Humbled

Really? Must we continue down this road! I am in a constant reminder of what it is like to have a child who doesn't sleep through the night. Sadly Noah sleeps much better than Hannah did but that's not saying much. I can put him in his crib to sleep during the day for naps he does sleep a good portion of the night in his crib. He was sleeping all night long in there until I he got sick and I got paranoid that he wasn't breathing well so I started pulling him into bed with me. I've heard you've got to sleep train all over again after they are sick or you go on vacation. It really is all just pure torture. Torture for the baby because he' just wants to be with you all day and night. Torture for me because I just need a break and some uninterrupted sleep. I have none of it at the moment.

Noah started taking a pacifier about two weeks ago. Yipee! But he's too young to remember where it is to put it back in his mouth or really to even find it. He is just getting the hang of this grabbing thing. So I've been putting him down with the pacifier at night and for naps and it seemed to work well. But as with everything that seems to work well it all fades away with time. After having four or five nights in a row of now crying (but lots of night waking after midnight) Noah finally had decided that he couldn't stay asleep. I nurse, I bounce I pat and then I leave. Usually Noah sleeps. Not today. He just started screaming. I'm so tired. I just can't go in again and again to put a pacifier back into his mouth. I just have to leave and let him work it out. Sounds easy right? No. It's not easy at all. He screamed as if he were dying. I just let him scream. I felt bad but the alternative is to spend all night with him trying to get him to sleep and getting no sleep myself. I just can't do it. I start to go a bit crazy. I can't think or function or get anything I need to get done. I know I've been to this same spot with Hannah and I really have to fight off the depression that is setting in. The jealousy that is taking over. It's really not a great place for me to be. I am only here when the babies are young and waking me up more than 2 times a night. My babies don't grow out of this in a timely manner in say a couple of months like other babies do. That is where the jealously sets in for me. I see these moms that have babies that sleep well from a couple months on and mine are sleeping like newborns. It's so hard. I am humbled by this experience.