So Sorry

I've been feeling jealous and envy a lot since I became a mom. Most of my jealously and envy was aimed at parents who had babies who were born good sleepers or babies that had no problems with babysitters or other 'strangers'.

Hannah was born anxious. She's got a couple of anxious ticks you might say. When she's really excited she moves her arms in and then out from her body in a way that looks like she trying to tighten large invisible bolts. She also used to cross her fingers very tightly and digs her thumb nails into her index finger. She's had a dig mark on her index finger for years. I've only seen her do it a couple of times. She was never a good sleeper and has always very over stimulated by everything around her so much so that we still have blackout shades and a white noise machine in her room so that she can sleep in the same 'conditions' every night. We've also never really been able to use a babysitter. I was able to drop her off at the babysitter's house two times before she refused to go again.

But there are other things that she does that are really quit nice. She never ever leaves my side or runs away. She won't go near strangers. If she feels uneasy about anything she comes right to me for shelter. She never gets out of her bed when she wakes up in the morning or from a nap. She waits for us to come and get her. She follows rules. She thrives on consistency. She is not rebellious. She was easy to potty train.

I am sorry for being jealous of all those people who have it easy with sleep. The reality is that it is not easy to raise children no matter how easy it may look for the outside. It's hard work to be consistent and to always be the adult taking care of everything. All the work is worth it when you think of what you get out of it. Just today Hannah gave me a hug when she saw that I was crying. She didn't understand it was all the onions that were making me weapy. So sweet!